tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
