there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
