from now on my penis is your penis
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
