dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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