I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
