Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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