So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
