Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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