ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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