you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
