Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
