There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
