Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize