: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Randomize
