Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
