thus making me awesome and them whores
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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