I just pynch a tree in the face
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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