Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
