i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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