I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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