I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize