she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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