no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
