so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
