Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
