so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
