just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
