wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
