found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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