Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
