He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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