WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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