he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
