I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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