So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
