i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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