How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
