He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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