do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
