his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
