That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize