I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
