be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
