I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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