I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
