Having a random hookup so left but love u
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
