3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
