why do cheetos always look like penises
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
