At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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