Already got asked if we're dating
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
