I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
