he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
