He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
