he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
