I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
