So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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