Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
