jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
