so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Boobs speak an international language.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
