he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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