and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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