God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
