this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
