yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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