im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize