Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
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