Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
