You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
