I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I supernannyed him into submission
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
