remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
