Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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