Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
