There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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